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I ruined my pup. I hate myself. Help!







idiot
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Jul 26, 2004, 5:51 PM

Post #1 of 3 (1775 views)
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I ruined my pup. I hate myself. Help! Can't Post

FrownI will blame no one but myself. I "rescued" a pup from a shelter. she was a darling. smart (very smart), georgeous, sweet, super effectionate. not a day went by that i didn't think she was a gift from above (literally). someone bought her for me, i got to pick her. it was the wrong time to be given a life, but i did and do, cherish her.

my life at the time of adoption. super stress, financial problems, housing issues, business issues, family issues, temperment problems. the whole nine. well my, what was a sweetheart, pup shit in the bedroom again (7 months later, she's nine months now). why the bedroom, don't know, she just prefers to crap there. tried to get her away from it, and idiot me didn't block the door the other morning. i took her out, she did crap, but i guess not enough, then ended up tracking it all over the room, and bed. probably just cause she was nervous. she knew she did bad, but me the idiot, lost my shit. I yelled, cursed, and demanded that she come in to see what she did. but she already knew, she just didn't want to see it again.

good enough right? not for me, the idiot. dragged her in there. she growled at me, i smacked her snout, she snarled, so i smacked her again and again each time she snarled, but she was born to do that. she wouldn't come, so i threw a towel at her.

the end result, is that i'm sick at how i treated her. and she lost every shred of trust in me. but i'd be thankful if that's where it ended. now she trusts me and is afraid of me. it's like either her guard is 100 percent up or 100 percent down.

she loves me and i love her. here's an example. i'll pet her, she'll growl, so i say no (firmly, but gently now) then will turn away. she'll cozy up to me like she used to, but then i'll pet her and she will growl again. or will let me stroke her but her guards up. ears back, but she still wants to be close to me like she used to. she wants to be petted, but growls now, when she is. i makes me literally want to kill myself.

i feel like i destroyed her, and me in the progress. she's not agressive, i think she's fearful. she loves me and me her, but now she's fearful from me, and now i must, by my own hand, be fearful from her.

i left her with nothing left to do, but protect herself. i made this, i did this, i don't know how to undo it. i'm afraid i can't. she loves me, i love her, but now must protect herself from me, the one that she loves.

it literally makes me sick to my stomach.

i don't know what to do. when she growls, i gently say no. i approach her, pet her, try to settle her. she'll come to me, lean into me, like she used to for comfort but now she'll growl. and i don't blame her. i'm sickened by it. i want to pet her, she wants to be petted, but growls or snarls when she is.

i did this to her, and now i don't know how to slowly undo it as best i can.

i'm here for help. not to be called names or be ridiculed by any of you. if you have something to say, please offer help, don't ridicule me or cast aspersions upon me. i'm already way ahead of any you.

forget the "if you don't have something good to say" line, but how about "if you don't have something 'constructive' to say" line.

in five minutes i've ed up everything.


PSD
ALPHA


Jul 26, 2004, 7:52 PM

Post #2 of 3 (1768 views)
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Re: [idiot] I ruined my pup. I hate myself. Help! [In reply to] Can't Post

Dear Idiot,

It takes a brave person to admit their own fault and I admired your sincerity. It is the person that knowingly had done something dispicable and still try to fool themselves by denying it that needs to be woken up with damning remarks. To me, you are not that person Smile

Rather than prescribe direct medication for your problem, I will try to list down some basics so that you can understand how animal act and behave. You can then use this understanding to bring back the trust.

1) A dog always associate things based on present tense instead of past or future tense. For example, he shit, done shitting walked away and got chased at and beaten 10 mins after the shitting when one saw the shit(past tense). He would not know that he is being punished for shitting. Alternatively if the dog you observes is smelling around and turned and curved up to shit and u shouted as dissapproval at that moment (present tense) he will immediately understand why he is being punished for. (shouting is a punishment enough and u dont have to get physical)

2) Every dog has a broke over point or avoidence level. Punishment should only be just below that level to be effective. If it is over that level then it results in avoidance and if it is way much above that level then survival instinct (instinct for self preservation/stay alive) tooks over involuntarily and they will lash back at the person or things that exert those life thretening pressures. Therefore when u do punish, u must know your dogs level and it differs in all individual dogs.

3) A fair punishment involves the downs and ups effectively means punishment will reduce the spirit of the dog so that he feels bad about himself but this then should be followed by a reward(nice soft talk, praise, calming touch) to show that u hold no grudges and u still loved her to bring her spirit up again so that she will learn how to avoid the negative action.

4) Physical punishment is unnecessary in your case and in most pet homes. Overly aggressive pets should only be handled by people who knows and can be responsible for them. Most of the time a firm loud tone of dissaproving voice will stop the negative action then it should be changed into a nice assuring voice once the negative action stopped. This way dog will know bad action bad sound, good action nice sound from you.

5) Bonding requires months and years to build but it takes but a second of unfair punishment to destroy so remember this the next time u are angry. My advice is, when anything angers you, just walk out, take a drink of water, count to 30 and think of running in a wide fields filled with large big sunflower to calm down so u can think calmly.

my suggestion to you is that physicall punishment must stop immediately and feed your dog by handing food from your hands for now. You may have to put the food with your hands onto the floor for her to eat it at first but try to get her nearer and nearer to you like feeding pigeons. This may take many days so hang on there. Do this as long as it takes until the dog willingly comes to you and eat from your palm. While you are at it, even if the dog is doing something you disliked, u have to brethe nicely and be happy with her. This has to be sincere if you want her back. Dogs can sense your emotions better than you know of his.

Alas I can only say good luck.

PSD

Quote
"Take this trouble for me:
Make sure my shepherd dog remains a working dog, for I have struggled all my life long for that aim ."

Rittmeister Capt. Max von Stephanitz (1864-1936)

(This post was edited by PSD on Jul 26, 2004, 7:56 PM)


khoo262
Enthusiast


Jan 7, 2005, 11:44 PM

Post #3 of 3 (1501 views)
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Re: [idiot] I ruined my pup. I hate myself. Help! [In reply to] Can't Post

First of all, don't pet her on the head as it is a sign of dominance to the dog. to gain her trust, try petting her on the area between the chest & mouth (the front part). these are acceptable areas for the dog. do this for a few weeks and she should be back to normal.
finally..... khoo262 has come back to puppy.com

 
 




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